Worse than death
by Le Count
Summary: Johnny and Ponyboy get put in a juvenile home for killing Bob. CONTAINS SLASH ABUSE AND COURSE LANGUAGE
1. Liars

**A/N: this story starts off right after Johnny killed the Bob and Ponyboy woke up. (Mid-way through chapter 4)**

**Part 1:**

Ponyboy's POV

Johnny looked around nervously. 

"We gotta get outta here Pony. Runaway somewhere were no one can find us" he said.

I tried to take in that thought. It meant I'd never see Soda and Darry again- my family. I suddenly felt sick.

"We need money and a gun or something. And a plan too" he said but this time he sounded confident. I started shaking even more thinking of the gun. Why would we need a gun? I didn't want to see any more dead people. Who will help us anyway?

"Dally'll help us" Johnny said as though he read my mind, "he'll get us outta here"

"Where is he?" I said through chattering teeth

"At Buck Merril's. He's having a party, Dally told me"

We headed off to Buck's place, running as fast as we could. My body was numb from the cold but I kept telling myself I had to keep going.

We knocked on the door, we could hear Hank Williams in the background along with people talking and girls laughing. 

_How could they be doing all that?_

For that split second I saw life differently. I almost died and Johnny killed Bob. Everything felt different now.

Buck finally opened the door but when he saw us, he glared in irritation

"whatta ya want?" he said

"Dally" Johnny shouted over the music, "we gotta see him"

"He aint here" Buck said and shut the door in our faces.

We hadn't expected that.

"Where could he be?" I said. I was beginning to feel my body again and I thought I was going to drop from shaking so much.

"I don't know, I don't know" Johnny said covering his face with his hands. 

We both knew there was no one else we could turn to. 

"We'll rob a store. Swipe a gun and some cash and get outta town" Johnny said in desperation.

I almost laughed at the idea of us robbing a store. "It won't work" I mumbled. Johnny took off his jacket and put it over me then grabbed my hand and we started walking up the main road to get out of town. We didn't know any other way to get out of town. We walked for a long time in silence. Maybe both of us were replaying what had happened in our heads, I know I was. 

Then Johnny stopped walking. "Did you hear that?" he said shaking.

But before I could answer, a car came down the road with the siren on full blast.

"Run Pony!" Johnny screamed pulling my arm. We ran off the road and into the trees. We could hear the police car behind us screech to a halt and the opening and closing of doors.

 I kept running as fast as I could but when I looked back, Johnny was way behind. He wasn't as good of a runner as I was. 

"Keep going Pony!" Johnny yelled when he saw me slow down for him.

It was no use; I had to slow down anyway. We came face to face with a tall metal fence.

"Climb it come on Pony" Johnny said out of breath. We both began to climb and I was almost at the top when we heard someone say,

"Stop right there!"

It was a cop and he was pointing a gun at us. I had half a mind to keep going but then I saw 5 more cops come up after him, each with a gun.

Johnny looked at me and we both climbed down.

"Put your hands in the air!" the first cop screamed, waving his gun around wildly in the air.

We did what we were told. Two cops hand-cuffed us and took us back to the car. It was a long drive to the police station. 

When we got to the station, Randy and the other Socs were there waiting outside surrounded by reporters and cops. As soon as they saw us, Randy broke out in tears shouting "that's them! They killed bob!"

_That son-of-a-bitch! _

I wanted to retaliate, to tell everyone how he and the rest of them tried to drown me and beat up Johnny but I was too shocked to say anything. I felt the eyes on me as the officer led us inside. 

Johnny and me were questioned. We gave the cops our details then we were taken down to the cells and put in different cells across from each other. There was no one else in the room except the guard but as soon as he left, Johnny broke out in a loud sob. 

"Shit, Pony! This is all my fault" he said hysterically, "you gotta tell'em, tell'em it wasn't you. You aint got nothing to do with it!"

"I aint saying a word" 

He was right, I didn't really have anything to do with it but I wasn't going to turn him in. we sat there staring at each other for a while. It felt like hours. Then the guard came back followed by Darry and Soda.

"Ponyboy!" Soda said running to my cell. I held his hand through the bars. Darry came up next to him and stuck his hand through the bars to touch my face.

"I'm sorry baby" he said softly. It was strange. I wasn't angry at him anymore. I didn't even remember what it felt like to hate him. It was as though, in those couple of hours I grew up. 

Soda turn around to johnny's cell, walked over and held his hand too. 

"Am I going to jail?" Johnny asked through tears.

They didn't say anything for a while. 

Then the guard opened our cells and hand-cuffed us again. He led us to a small room with just a table and three chairs. There was a huge mirror in the wall. I've seen enough movies to know what that was. Johnny did too.

He looked at me and whispered "I'll do all the talking"

As he said this, the door opened and a man walked in. He was wearing a shirt without a tie and looked about 37ish. 

"Hey there boys" he said smiling and sitting on the chair opposite to us, which meant his back was to the mirror. We didn't return his greeting.

"Looks like you're in a lot of trouble huh?"  He tried again. But we didn't respond.

"Ok then" he said with a sigh, "which one of you is going to tell me what happened?"

"They tried to kill him" Johnny said at length

"Start from the beginning"

Johnny took in a deep breath.

"We were in the park minding our own business and they came up to us and tried to drown Ponyboy and beat me up"

"What were you doing at the park so late?"

I didn't see that coming. 

"I had a rowel with my brother and Johnny and me took a walk to cool off" I said. There was no way I was going to tell him that Darry hit me.

"So you're telling me that they just came out of no where and tried to drown you" he said pointing to me, "and beat you?" he said pointing to Johnny. 

"yes-sir" we echoed

"Why?" 

"Because we picked up their girls" Johnny said simply. 

"Right" the man said. I didn't like the way he spoke to us. He was mocking us. It was as though our story was so unbelievable, a fantasy with magic and witches. 

Johnny nodded.

"Well we got at least four witnesses saying that you two threatened them while they were driving by, they got out to see what was going on, you got into a verbal war then one of you pulled out a switch blade and stabbed Robert Sheldon in the back."

Johnny and me looked at each other, wide eyed. 

"That's not what happened" I said but it suddenly hit me. There was no way they were going to take our word against the Socs. We were doomed.

Johnny was thinking the same thing. I could tell because he said "it's not fair" under his breath.

"Well, unless you can come up with a better story, then we'll be sending you off to jail" with that, he walked out leaving us alone in the room. 


	2. say goodbye

The trial was quick. Johnny was charged with manslaughter and given the minimum sentence- no more than 3 years no less than one at Watkins's Juvenile Home for Boys. I was the accomplice and was given no more than 18 months no less than 12 in the same place. We were also charged with carrying a weapon while under-aged. I didn't even know that was a crime. If we didn't have that switchblade, it would've been us dead instead of Bob and I doubt he would've ended up in jail. 

The Socs all testified that we had picked the fight and provoked Bob and the rest of them. Cherry and Marcia denied that Bob and his friends threatened us for picking them up at the drive-in. Instead they said we tried to get them to come home with us but Bob and the others saved them in time.

Two-Bit wanted to testify against that. He was there when it all happened but they didn't let him because he admitted being drunk at the time.

I've never hated a group of people as much as I hated them. I never thought Cherry Valance could stoop so low as to lie in court to protect her own kind. The whole time she testified I never took my eyes off her but she avoided my gaze. I could see then that she was a coward like the rest off them. All that talk about the sunsets and things being rough all over as though we were all in the same boat, that must've been an act. I hated her. 

They gave us a week at home before we were shipped off to the juvenile home. I wish I could say it was the longest week of my life but it wasn't. Darry and Soda both took the week off of work to make the most of our last week together. We hardly slept the whole time. We stayed up and talked about anything and everything except where I was going and why. I hated knowing that the only time we all made the effort to get along and get to know each other better was when I was going away.

Darry took it the hardest. He blamed himself, "If only I hadn't…" he was start but he never completed the sentence. There was no use dwelling on the past now. He kept asking me to forgive him too. I did. There was no reason why I shouldn't.

I didn't cry once. I guess it didn't really sink in. Darry and Soda tried to be strong but I knew they waited till I was asleep to cry so I wouldn't see. Two-Bit cried every time he saw me and I couldn't figure out why. What did he know about juvenile homes?

Steve was nicer to me which was a big improvement and I was grateful for it. I didn't see Dally for the whole week. No one knew where he was or what he was up to.

I didn't see Johnny either. His parents kept him locked in the house. God only knows what they did to him.

One the way to the bus that would take me and Johnny to Watkins's Juvenile Home for Boys, Darry and Soda each held one of my hands tightly. Darry was holding my bag for me. It didn't have much inside. Just 2 100 page notepads and a pack of pencils that Darry bought me so I could write to them and draw too. I also had a framed photo of me, Darry, Soda and mom that dad took when we were out in the country a month before their accident. It was Soda's favourite picture but he said it would make him feel better knowing that I would have it close to me.

We got to the stop early. There were only a few other boys and their families and Johnny was there too sitting alone. He didn't even have a bag, he didn't own much anyway. 

When he saw us he came over and said "Pony the guard said our cells are going to be next to each other".

It wasn't until then that reality finally set it. I started shaking. 

_Our cells_

I would be alone in that tiny cell. I already started to feel claustrophobic at the thought of it. No one would hold my hand over there. No one would make me feel better if I had a nightmare or anything. I started to panic and I couldn't talk which was good because I knew I'd burst out crying if I opened my mouth anyway.

Darry and Soda didn't let go of my hands. Other boys started arriving with their families. There were a lot of mothers dressed in black and crying out loud. It reminded me of a funeral. 

Pretty soon everyone I ever knew was there to say goodbye to me. Dally showed up too. Everyone was there except Johnny's parents. 

Everyone kept putting on a fake smile, I guess to try to make me and Johnny feel better except Dally. He looked like death. As soon as he came, he grabbed Johnny in a tight embrace and held on a little longer than necessary. 

"I'm gonna miss you Dally" Johnny sobbed.

"You can't be like that, kid. You gotta be like stone." Dally began.

Just then, Cherry Valance made her appearance and walked up to me and Johnny like she owned the place.

"Ponyboy, I gotta talk to you" she said

"Get lost! Get out of here" Dally shouted at her. He looked like he was ready to attack her and I wouldn't have tried to stop him if he did.

"Ponyboy, I had to. You gotta understand" she pleaded. I looked at her straight in the eyes and said "No I don't understand". I would've helped her if it meant telling the truth even if she is from the other side. 

I guess she took the hit because she walked away.

Dally pulled me and Johnny to one side and put a hand on our shoulder. 

"You can't let anything effect you. Listen to me. You guys have to be tough. I mean, really tough." he said, "You don't care about anyone but yourself", he paused, "and each other but don't let them know that. Don't let them walk over you. You gotta be tough as nails like me. That's the way it is. I know" his voice began shaking and I could've sworn there were tears forming in his eyes.

"Everyone inside" the guard called out from in the bus. It was time for us to go.

"Why didn't you come to me Johnny, I could've helped you" Dally pleaded to Johnny.

"I did Dally, I did" Johnny said as he got onto the bus before me. I could see Dally cover his face and push past everyone as he ran away from the scene.

Darry wouldn't let go of my hand while I was standing in line to get in the bus. 

"You gotta use your head in there Ponyboy. It's nothing like the outside world. It's…" He stopped mid-sentence, holding back his tears, "we're going to come and visit you every chance we get ok, little buddy"

"I love you pony" Soda said. He quickly walked back to the car. I knew he couldn't handle seeing me leave. I took my bag from Darry and got on the bus. 

_The next time I see them_, I thought, _I'll be a different person_. I shivered at that thought and took my seat next to Johnny.

**A/N: I have noooo idea what the sentences really are and I couldn't find out so please don't diss me on technicalities. Bye!**


	3. home sweet home

My cell was bigger than I thought it would be. It was cold and plan with one bed, a toilet, a sink and a tiny window. I sat on my new bed and closed my eyes. I tried to picture my house and my brothers but everything seemed like a blur. I knew I wasn't a particularly strong person but being in that cell in the first hour proved it to me without a doubt. I would've given anything to be back home with Darry and Soda. The thought of Johnny being in the cell right next to me didn't help either. I couldn't talk to him or see him until the next day. I wondered what he was thinking….

My cell door swung open causing me to jump in surprise. A guard with short brown hair and piercing blue eyes walked in. 

"A little jumpy are we?" he said smiling. I knew I'd hate him from that very moment. His smile was insincere and ugly. His name tag read "GIBBINS"

He tossed a pair of jeans and a blue shirt and some underwear on the bed and said "change your clothes".

I grabbed the clothes and held them in my hands, waiting for him to get out.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" he shouted.

"Aren't you going to leave so I can put my clothes on?" I said. It made sense to me.

He looked at me as if I was the stupidest person on earth.

"No I aint leaving. This aint no camp so you better get used to being watched buddy. Everything you do from now on you'll be watched. Day and night. There's no escape. You want to piss, shit, shower, write a letter to your folk, _change your clothes_, you're gonna be doin' it in front of somebody so get used to it. Now get up!"

I shot up in the air and fumbled with my pants button to buy some time. I used to change in front of Darry and Soda and even Johnny sometimes but it was different. They never looked at me like this guy was looking at me. I tried to figure out how I was going to change without that pervert seeing more than was necessary.

"Well go on" he said, a sinister smile forming on his face. I sighed turned around, giving him my back. I pulled off my pants in defeat. I closed my eyes and silently wished I was dead. 


	4. reality

**Yes its an outsiders-sleepers theme. I love the sleepers book and movie. Its had a huge effect on me because it's a true story and you know, the sleepers were put in juvenile detention in the same year that the outsiders was set (1967) so I thought if Johnny and Ponyboy were arrested they'd go through something similar. **

**Thanx**** to all that review my story: Dee, Jesse, Scarlet7, Goddess of silent tears, Koujaku, Mazz Ninja, Jessica, Lisa, Joce, Katie, pony's girl**

**Thanx**** Lillia- I know what you mean**

**Amyoutsider****- I've thought about it and I'm really considering (without giving too much away) finding a way to get them out because now that I've gotten this far in the story I cant bear anything bad happening to Johnny and Pony**

**Thanx**** again you guys!**

The first month at Watkins was a blur. I couldn't tell the different between reality and my dreams because I dreamt about my tiny cell and being alone away from my family. Me and Johnny stayed together as much as possible. We had different classes but at lunch times and all the other times we stuck together like glue. We didn't really mix much with the other kids. There were lost of nasty boys in that place. They all deserved to be there of course- unlike us. They were big and strong and intimidating so Johnny and me tried to steer clear of their sight. Especially one particular boy called Kaiser. He was so big that looked more like a 30 year old than a 16 year old. 

In my English class, a boy called Vinny who was sitting next to me leaned over to me and said "hey I know your new here so my advice to you is, never go to the showers alone or The Kaiser will get ya". He looked like he could've been from my neighbourhood. He reminded be a lot of Steve.

What he said shook me bad for a couple of days and I avoided going to the showers altogether. I'd seen enough prison movies to know what he meant by that.

Our routine was consisted of getting up early, having breakfast, then class then lunch then sports then lights out and over again the next morning. After the first month had passed quietly with little or no disturbances, I was beginning to think that maybe I could make it till the end of my sentence. It was a case of 'spoke too soon' because on that same day that I had those thoughts, I had another run-in with Gibbons.

Johnny and me were sitting on our usually table at the cafeteria and talking about the old times when we used to go and watch movie at the drive in and have a blast. Gibbons was monitoring the cafeteria and before we knew it, he was standing right in front of our table.

"Ponyboy" he said loud enough for everyone to hear

I looked up, raising an eyebrow.

"That's your name isn't it? Ponyboy?" he started laughing loudly and some of the other kids laughed too. I felt my ears burn

"How'd you end up with a name like that? Did your mommy hump a pony and name you after your daddy?" he said mockingly. The cafeteria erupted in laughter. I felt the anger rise up in my gut and clenched my fists under the table. But I knew there was nothing I could say or do so I kept my mouth shut and turned to Johnny, ignoring Gibbons. 

When he saw he wasn't going to get a reaction from me, he pulled out his baton from his belt and knocked my food tray off my table with it onto the floor.

"Look what you did Ponyboy" he shouted angrily, "get up" he said pulling me by my shirt off the bench. I pulled my shirt from his grip and stood at attention in front of him, trying hard to show no emotions.

I knew he was just trying to get me to reaction, make a wrong move. 

"Did you drop your food on the floor?" he asked, towering over me.

"No, sir" I said, clenching my teeth.

In an instant, he had his baton in his hand again and gave me a hard blow in the gut with it. It felt like being stomped by an elephant's foot. I fell to my knees holding my stomach and gasping for breath.

Gibbons crouched down beside me. "Wrong answer" he said

"hey! why'd you do that for?" I heard Johnny shriek at Gibbons.

"I said did you drop your food" Gibbons hissed in my ear ignoring Johnny.

"Yes, sir" I said through gasps

"That's better" Gibbons smirked

I looked up at Johnny. He looked mad, almost wild but there was nothing he could do. 

Gibbons started laughing out loud. It was so chilling that I felt all my hairs stand on end. He sounded so evil.

"Clean up this mess now and take him back his cell" he said to Johnny then walked away outside the cafeteria. 

Johnny did as he was told and when we were alone in my cell he said "Pony, we're not going to make it in here after all". 

As much as I wanted to believe otherwise, I knew he was right.


	5. a n

**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanx for reviewing my story. I just wanted to say that I tried REALLY HARD to write the next chapter for this story but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't let Ponyboy and Johnny get verbally or physically abused like the guys from sleepers. It just doesn't see right. Sleepers is based on a true story. Stuff like that happen all the time to kids and nobody seems to notice. I think the world is a terrible place as it is without having me writing about my favourite characters being abused like that.**

**I hope ya'll understand. **

**Bye!**


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